“There is light at the end of the tunnel” Whispers the madman inside my head in the morning. I can’t seem to get up properly induced with constant pain. My eyes open slightly, as I hear the sound of “vrum” caused by the vacuum the maid is using in the morning. I get up quick, freezing cold to turn off the AC, just to lay back down from where I started: In bed. “Ring … Ring” : The phone rings … I take a look at the cellphone & it’s probably the only Male that walks this earth surface who stood by me at all times. “Ahlan baba”… I mumble trying to make my voice sound fresh. “hooda, ARE YOU AWAKE” in a harsh tone my dad utters. “Yes & why are you pissed from the morning?” I angrily answer. A strain of thoughts cross my head … Oh how I let him down & did not graduate, oh how I was not responsible for all the troubles I have caused since childhood till this very day. My pride won’t let me show emotions, so I coldly allow this vanity to be poured on my own father. “No I’m not mad, I just wanted to see if your heading to class?” he says in a Questioning, but commanding voice. “Hfff, Yes, no worries, anyhow I have to go now & get ready – yalla salam”. As I place the cellphone back in the charger, i take a look at myself in the mirror. “Oh how physically appealing I look like if Miss X was to see this” I think. Drift off for a bit and thoughts of perversion occur. “Miss X on top moaning as i am deep inside her in some fantasy bed etc” … “Argh I need to stay focused & remember that behind the downfall of every great man is a woman” trying to believe in these words that are in my head. “Hmm I’m losing my focus from a feeling but I will not let my parents down” … “No it’s for me, Its a win-win situation formyself and parents at the end of the day but its foor ME! ME! ME!”…thinking while i storm off to the bathroom. I take a cigarette & sit on the johnny and keep takin in drags till my bowel lets off and poop. I wash myself up and goto the closet to get brand new undergarments & clothes. I turn on the water inside the shower and try to find an equilibrium thats not too cold or hot for that fact, but a perfect balance kneeling towards warm. I place my hands and and an involuntarily voice of relaxtion is uttered. “Perfect” I think” … Remove my boxers and inside the shower I go. Now the sounds of relaxation are quiet blatant. Dettol soap fresh i intact to my skin as i brush it all over concentrating on the area around my genitals and emphasis on the upper body. I take some shampoo place it on my hair as I use the brush to rub the scalp of my head properly. The soap is washed off as I get out directly to the bathroom sink. I pose with arms rest, as I glaze at my arms with an evil smirk. I floss and brush my teeth, then wash my face with soap properly & if I have some facial scrub I would use it. I dry myself as i put on my new clothes. Deo spray on my arms pits as i sit topless again back on the computer. “Hmm What am I looking for here? … I go through facebook and nothing of interest ingnites me” … the constant actions thats become a habbit due to the position I am in right now. I get up and fill a plate of oats and some raw egg whites for breakfast. I get up and stare myself at the mirror before drinking the raw eggs. “You’re a man, you need to do this to be unique and for the muscles” as i place the cup in my mouth a drink the eggs. “ahhh Finally got this done with” I think as i place down the cup and wash it. Apply some cologne, and more deo, wear my shirt and take a look at myself one more time on the mirror. Take my cellphone, my wallet and pack of cigarette’s. Everything is in check … I storm out the house and press the elevator button. “TINK” the elevator door opens to greet me with a grouchy family in the morning with sad look faces of kids holding an oversized backbag. I take a look at the space, and due to cultural boundaries I place myself furthest from the female. “Al Salam Alaikum” I say then quickly glance at the floor to check if its on G and press the close button. I start analyzing the facial expressions given off in this small space just for quick entertainment. The elvator opens up and I await for everyone to leave. The children storm out first, then the lady, then the husband, then the person on the right then myself (was on the left side). I walk outside as the gaurds stare, “Al salam Aliakum, How are you?” I sadly say, not really meaning those words. Open the door and go “Fuck this weather and head to the convienient store next to the place. Walk in: saying “Al salam Alaikum” with a bit of enthusiasim. “Wa Alaikum al Salam, How are you?” he utters with a smile. “I’m good, just tired a bit” I share. “Looking big” he says. “Yes thank you” As i pick out a gum with no aspertame and pay for the bottle of water.
